It sounds like psycho-babble and it isn't proper grammar to start a sentence with the word "I" but it's the best piece of communication advice I've ever learned.
Often the exchange of words acts like a pile of pancakes - one person saying something on top of what someone else said. Has anyone even heard the other or were they each so busy preparing what they were going to say next? That's usually what happens. People think that if they say something, it does something. I think saying something is dependent upon how it's presented and how it's heard.
So how can we say things so that the other person will listen? How can we say something so that the other person can hear our intent?
I think it all boils down to the word "I".
One of my favorite answers that can't be argued with is "I'm uncomfortable with that". It's benign, non-judgemental and places ownership on you. You probably wouldn't be surprised at how many people go along with something or do something they really didn't want to do in order to avoid conflict. You can use a version of this anytime you need to assert yourself. I teach it to my kid clients so that they can develop strong self-advocacy skills. I teach it to adults so that they can stop going to 4 different family Christmases.
The next time you almost start a fight with your significant other, try framing what you have to say with an "I" first. (If you want to have a fight, start your sentence with "You" followed by "never" or "always".)
I'm feeling overwhelmed by that comment...I'm feeling frustrated right now...I'm noticing your face turning red...I want to be sure you know I am saying this respectfully...I need to clarify this...I wonder how you came to that conclusion?
The power of "I" means taking responsibility for our part in the conversation. No one else can change our mood unless we allow it. It's interesting what we react to, isn't it? It's all about the I.