Don't Therapize Me

  It sounds like psycho-babble and it isn't proper grammar to start a sentence with the word "I" but it's the best piece of communication advice I've ever learned. Often the exchange of words acts like a pile of pancakes - one person saying something on top of what someone else said. Has anyone even heard the other or were they each so busy preparing what they were going to say next? That's usually what happens. People think that if they say something, it does something. I think saying something is dependent upon how it's presented and how it's heard. So how can we say things so that the other person will listen ? How can we say something so that the other person can hear our intent ? I think it all boils down to the word "I".  One of my favorite answers that can't be argued with is "I'm uncomfortable with that" . It's benign, non-judgemental and places ownership on you. You probably wouldn't be surprised at how man

Keeping our eyes on the prize means having a picture of what you would like to see in your 18-year-old child. You can create this picture before they are even born. And if you're just reading this now and your kid is 17,  you can do it now. Grab their other parent, sit down and start a conversation. Having a picture in mind does not mean saying you want to raise a baseball player or a farmer. That's what's on your mind. Having a picture means having a picture of the character you would like to teach and and ideas about the things you would like to expose your child to. Your goal is to help shape the person your child will become. Here are just a few suggestions to consider: You get the idea? The list is non-exhaustive. Being intentional with our kids allows them to be more informed as they begin to shape their interests in middle school. Some of the things we model or expose them to they'll grab on to because it resonates with them. Some of them will be fleeting - like

  When I was in grad school in I-forget-which-class, the professor shared that studies had shown that you "only had to be a good enough parent to raise great kids." What great news for any parent, but especially the Type A ones who turn themselves inside out on behalf of their kiddoes trying to make sure everything is perfect.  As a therapist, I've shared this concept often. It finally occurred to me to apply this concept for any undertaking and take the pressure off. Instead of saying "I'm going to have the cleanest house ever", or "I'm going to write the most incredible paper," or "I'll be in the best shape I've ever been in this year", what if we adjusted our thinking? What if we aimed for being "good enough"? That's what happened to me recently. I was preparing a message that I wanted to be outstanding. Each day I strained as I prepared and became consumed with perfecting it. As I was getting nowhere, I remin